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Wot gets me goat, though? Them snobs who reckon it’s low-class. Oi, mate, loosen up! Had me ragin’ once—some toff in Westminster bangin’ on about “decency,” while I’m like, “Bruv, chill, it’s just a massage with extras!” Happy as a pig in muck, I’d be, sprawled out, oil drippin’, some bird whisperin’ sweet nothings. Surprised me, too—didn’t expect it’d be so… posh-like? Thought it’d be all seedy, but nah, some places are swanky—marble floors, the lot!

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I finally get to my car, and guess what? I locked my keys inside. Classic me, right? I’m standing there, cursing under my breath. I call a locksmith, and while I’m waiting, I decide to grab a hot dog from that stand near the train station. Best decision ever! It’s like a flavor explosion in my mouth.

Ikea to open museum in its first shop in Sweden